The Apocalype oh please not AGAIN!
by CrazyC00kie
Summary: After the end of spn Season 6 Castiel is about to kill the Winchester brothers and Bobby when they get help from an unexpected scource. Balthazar/Crowley implied Aziraphale/Crowley  one of my Balthy is Zira storys
1. Chapter 1

Once again the world was ending, and once again it was their own fault. They had taught the stick-in-the-ass angel to make a stand for himself and throw caution to the wind. Dean has been the one to tell him free will was something everyone possessed and it was worth fighting for.

Stupid idea.

Now they had an insane angel on their hands, who thought himself god. A better god. One who wouldn't abandon humanity and smite everyone who didn't show his respect.

"You will bow down before me and profess your love onto me, your Lord", demanded Castiel in a superior voice, looking down at the Winchester brothers and Bobby like they were vermin, not worthy of his attention. Now that he had taken in all the souls off purgatory, there was no one left to match his power. He could do whatever he wanted. Who was there left to stop him?

Every choice was his now. Utter and complete free will.

"Or I shall destroy you." There was not a trace of humour to be found in his voice to suggest he might be kidding, not that he understood the meaning of jokes anyway. They should have taught him humour instead of freedom. Dean had only the best intentions when teaching Castiel about free will, and he had created a monster.

A monster, worse than any evil sonofabitch could ever be, because Castiel did only have good intentions. He wanted to stop everyone from fighting an slaughtering each other and if that meant killing everyone, then so be it.

"WHAT?" demanded Dean, his eyes nearly falling out of its sockets, "you completely lost it Cas! You must be kidding. Come on man, let go of the souls. Raphael is gone, no need for this much power anymore."

"I am not kidding", assured Castiel them, "I am your new God and I will destroy you. Bow down and save your lives." Castiel looked at them now. There was a hint of kindness in his eyes, pleading them to bow down. He didn't want to kill them. They were his friends but if he had to he wouldn't hesitate. Balthazar had been is friend too and he betrayed him, just like Dean had.

"Never", stated Sam defiantly. They would never be any supernatural creatures bitches again. Crowley had been a pain in the ass and he would sooner be dead than bend over for this winged douchbag. A mad gleam flickered in his eyes. They had come this far, stopped the apocalypse, defeated Lucifer, been to hell and back. They had simply come too far to give up now and loose everything they had fought for so hard.

"As you wish." Castiel nodded slightly to himself, raising one hand to deliver the deathly blow… when someone appeared beside them and vanished with the boys in a blur of motion. All they could see were two arms grabbing hold of them and then a weird rushing motion, before reappearing in an entirely different room.

A room without Castiel.

It was more of a hall than a real room, with huge ornamented windows all along the nicely furnished walls. The doors were frigging huge, towering even over Sam's massive height and you had problems spotting the ceiling from the ground.

They weren't just in a large room or a warehouse, their saviour had brought them to a freaking castle. And judging from the wide expanse of greenery outside, they were far, far away from Castiel. Like in another country halfway across the globe, far away.

"Well boys", said their saviour, clapping his hands together, "that was fun, aye?" Balthazar sat down on a large, soft-looking leather couch, reaching for a half-full glass filled with an amber liquid.

"Balthazar?" Sam wondered aloud, stammering in all the confusion, "but, but you should be dead. He killed you." Dean and Bobby weren't off any better. How the hell could he still be alive? It's like mad year, where death didn't quite take. Castiel died twice now and was still kicking, Samuel and Sammy came back from the dead, Crowley had been presumed dead and now Balthazar… it made you wonder if Gabriel wasn't hiding somewhere with his pagan friends again, eating candy and laughing his head off watching them.

Taking a swing from his glass and smiling, Balthazar put it down again, swatting with his hand in Sam's general direction, as if he tried to get rid of an annoying bug. A very tall bug with terrible hair.

"The little bugger tried, but I learned a few tricks from a friend."

The smug smile he gave them reminded Dean of someone, but he would be damned if he could remember of whom. Like there was a face in the back of your head but every time you tried to get a hold of it, it shifted out of your reach, leaving you grabbing desperately at nothing.

"What kind of tricks?" growled Bobby in his usual unfriendly manner, before Dean had the chance to follow his trail of thoughts. Not that he would have followed them anyway, this entire situation demanded all his attention. Was this a trick? Did Cas and Balthazar work together to play with them, to persuade them to give in? Were there monsters lurking in the shadows, or behind the double door? Dean's nerves were on edge. Taking a glance at Sammy he saw that his brother was thinking the same. Why on earth would Balthazar stick his neck out for them again and do something as noble as saving their sorry asses, when he was already on Castiel's hit list.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" smirked the damn angel and gave the older hunter a suggestive wink. Sam coughed vigorously, while Bobby gave him his best scowl. Dean just shook his head at their childish behaviour. It was not like they had a near second apocalypse and a megalomaniac angel who decided to play god to worry about. Just another day in the office.

"Cut the crap Balthazar. Why are we here?" demanded Dean, looking around the hall, taking in every detail and possible escape route for further use, "wherever here is."

"Lets just say a friend asked me to, I quote: 'save those bloody morons before Cas blasts their asses to hell and we have no chance of stopping him!'" Balthazar even did air quotes.

"Any friend we know?" asked Dean growing more and more impatient and irritated with Balthazar for avoiding direct answers.

"Might be." And the bugger smiled again, visibly enjoying taunting the humans.

"So", interrupted Sam, before Dean could throw himself at the smug angel and throttle him to death. "Who is so concerned about our well being that he sends you? And which of our friends even knows you? You're not the poster child for rescue missions."

"Never said he was your friend. He is more of an mutual acquaintance who thinks that you two are the only ones who can stop the loony nuclear reactor from going after him... or me."

"How noble of him", replied Dean sarcastically. He didn't believe for one minute that Balthazar would do something noble or that he had friends with a enough decency to save their lives or care for the rest of humanity. There had to be a catch in all this, only question left was: what did Balthazar gain from all this?

"Are you stupid or deaf?" snarled the angel getting up from his comfortable place on the couch. "I never said any of us was 'noble' or 'good'. All we want is to be left alone and that is hardly possible when your little boyfriend feels neglected and needs to compensate that you don't screw him enough!"

"Shut it!" snarled Dean at the same time as Bobby muttered: "Yeah right, 'cos no one who has a shred of goodness in their hearts would want to be your friend."

Sam shook his head. "How can an angel sink so low? Michael, Raphael or Castiel might be destroying the world, but they think it's the right thing to do. They have good intentions, admittedly very screwed good intentions but they are still good in their own twisted minds. But you," he jabbed a finger at Balthazar, "you're just trying to have a comfortable life. You're a self-centred, arrogant, spoiled little prat." Sam was all but shouting at the end of his speech. He might have gone a bit over the top in calling Raphael or Michael good but it got the point across.

"Oi! Shut your gob!", shouted Balthazar back, just as angry as Sam had been. He didn't need anyone to insult him, his friends or his motives. "don't talk about things you don't understand boy! I have done ENOUGH for this world and what is the thanks? I get hunted and threatened and stabbed in the back. I learned the hard way that God doesn't care and my brother like to smite for no good reasons! If I'm a bit self-centred about looking out for myself, than it's only because my brethren", he spat the word like venom, "have been out to kill me for nearly 30 years now! You don't know nothing about me or my friend, so keep insulting me or him and you can walk home alone."

"Walk home?" Questioned the Winchesters at the same time that Bobby asked, "Where are we anyway?"

Yes they noticed that they had travelled quite a distance but they thought the angel had would get them back to Bobby's sooner or later or at least bring the Impala with them, so they could get going soon. They had to stop Castiel and if possible not kill him in the process.

"Highlands", said Balthazar, all sweet and nice his voice smooth like honey.

"Highlands?" No, no, no that couldn't be good. Dean was not gonna fly again! Please let it be some other highlands. "Uhmm.. highlands as is Scotland?"

Balthazar just smiled at him. "Play nice or you can fly back home. I know who much you love that."

"You sonofabitch!" yelled Dean hurtling himself at the angel. He grabbed Balthazar' neck, pushing the startled angel against the wall but before he could throw the first punch, he was flung backwards. He ways lucky not to hit a wall or anything, just fly for a few meters through the air and crumble to the floor.

"Hands off him Winchester!" announced a man, walking through the now open double doors. Crowley walked in, wearing his usual custom fitted black suit. He bend down in front of Balthazar, reaching a hand out to help the bewildered looking angel back up.

Something shifted in the angels smile, before he grabbed Crowley's offered hand and getting up to his feet again.

"Now", announced Crowley, clapping his hands together once he made sure Balthazar was fine "let's talk business."


	2. Chapter 2

_Flashback_

Today had been one of those days, the kind where you wished you could have stayed in bed all day and regretted at least a thousand times to have woken up this morning. For Balthazar the day started amazing. He had a little party, a few drinks and lots of fun, when those annoying Winchester boys decided to summon him. From there on the entire day went downhill, if not his entire week or life.

Sam and Dean thought they could shock him by reviling Castiel's big master plan about the souls, which they managed but not in the way they would have expected.

When the boys told him that his little brother Castiel worked with the current King of Hell in order to gain access to purgatory and absorb half the nasty fanged and clawed souls in there, Balthazar had been shell shocked but not for the obvious reasons you might think.

It wasn't the fact that that they had formed some sort of alliance that surprised him, but the fact that he didn't trust him enough to tell him about this partnership. That made him nearly slip and loose his carefully maintained mask of arrogance and disinterest.

But those two apes didn't need to know that, so he played along, pretending to know all about their plans and alliance.

At first, when they told him, that Crowley was still alive he got worried how much they actually knew.

Did they only know about Crowley or had they found out about him too. After all the stunts those two idiotic brothers had pulled over the past couple of years it wouldn't have come as a complete shock to him, if they pulled out a angel blade the next moment and killed him on the spot. Or Castiel appeared behind him and stepped him in the back.

He was the traitor in all this after all – at least from their point of view.

But when they said Crowley had an alliance with Castiel and his brother actually just pretended to kill Crowley in order to hide him from harm – harm mainly done by Sam and Dean – he relaxed a bit.

No they didn't know about them, about him.

So how could he agree to spy on Castiel, to work for them if his interests were so utterly conflicted. On one hand he wanted to help them and stop his brother from doing anything stupid but on the other hand, he was trying to help and stop yet another apocalypse. And god knows they had they have had enough of those over the last couple of decades.

It wasn't even that he was against that those two were putting their resources together and pull on the same strings. But he would be betraying trust if he spied on them.

There was only one thing he could do before deciding on anything. They needed to have a long talk, he had some heavy explaining to do as to why he hadn't informed Balthazar who he was really working with.

He already feared this conversation.

"Is it true?" demanded Balthazar as soon as his feet touched the ground. He didn't even bother with greetings. The angel was pissed, and that for a good reason.

"Is what true?" asked his opposite back, confused and slightly irritated. He stopped scribbling notes down, to glance at the infuriated angel.

Shaking his head Balthazar hopped onto an nearby desk, his feet dangling lightly in the air. "Let me tell you a little story."

Balthazar smiled his most radiant smile before continuing, "Once there was an angel, who got summoned by some idiotic brothers. And those morons told the angel an interesting story."

"Get on with it", growled the other impatiently, jabbing with his pen at Balthazar. "I don't have all day and you know it."

"Fine", he sighed, "spoilsport." Balthazar pretended to be sulking for a moment before finally asking the question he came to ask. "Is it true Crowley? Are you really working with my brother? 'Cos those two flanneled wannabe heroes gave me a reasonable explanation why you faked your death. Oh and they know you are still alive. I'm only asking this once and whatever you say, I believe you. Are. You. Working. With. Castiel?"

Crowley didn't reply but the way he cast his gaze slightly ashamed downwards, told more than a thousand words could have. Balthazar just knew him too well. He could read the demon like an open book, knew the hidden meaning of every twitch in his mussels, look on his face or wrinkle on his forehead. And Crowley could do the same with Balthazar. That is what happened when you spend centuries in each other's company and nearly three decades as lovers.

"Why?" Balthazar wanted to know, "why didn't you tell me? I had to find out from Sam and Dean fucking Winchester of all people! What is it? Don't you trust me anymore?"

"No", stated Crowley indignantly, "of course I trust you angel. With my life but it's not about that. I can explain." Desperately he waved his hands around, unsure what to do. This couldn't be happening. Balthazar wasn't supposed to be involved in all this.

"Then please, by all means explain it to me, my dear", begged Balthazar still angry, crossing his arms in front of his chest, "'cos I don't understand. Have I done anything to make you doubt me? To question my loyalties? What is it?"

"Angel", Crowley tried to calm Balthazar down, taking is hand in his own. Balthazar attempted to snatch the hand away but Crowley was faster and held his hand in an iron like grip, not letting him go and looked him straight in the eyes, pleading for understanding.

"I couldn't tell you, because if anyone finds out about us, they can used us against each other. I am sorry but it was for the best. They might have tried to use you as leverage against me, I couldn't risk that. The less you know the better for all of us."

Balthazar stopped struggling and gave the demon a blank look.

"You know, I don't get you. Who in the world might want to get to you. You're the King of Hell and for all my side knows I died in the war."

Softly, Crowley cradled the angels face in his free hand, running a feeble thumb across Balthazar's cheek.

"But that's not quite true, is it?" His voice had gone soft now, "one of them knows you're still up and kicking."

"Castiel?" He wondered aloud, sneaking his hand up Crowley's arm to come to a rest over the demon's hand on this cheek, holing it affectionately. "Why in the world would he try to get to either of us? He doesn't know what we've done or what we are to each other. And if he were to find out, it would be rather hypocritical of him to pass judgement, don't you think my dear?"

The anger had evaporated from the angel's voice, stance and facial expressions. His eyes had gone soft and he looked lovingly and kind, just like Crowley used to know him back in the old days. Before they were hunted and his angel had to grow up and become harder.

Sometimes, when Balthazar wasn't caution, he let is mask slip slightly around Crowley and he could still see the little kind angel inside, confused with the world and technology, wanting nothing more then to sit in a dusty old bookstore and collecting rare books.

Those times were long gone.

"Oh please", moaned Crowley exasperated, letting go of the angel and walking around his study, "like he is the same little bugger that you knew back in heaven."

"What do you mean?" Bewilderment was written all over Balthazar's face, he was so perplex it wouldn't take much more to make him loose his carefully arranged mask of indifference completely.

"He is... to express it carefully, completely bonkers. The Winchesters must have screwed up something in his head." When he say the tension coming back into the angel's features he stopped pacing, his voice becoming softer. "Don't get me wrong he is a great allay", he gripped both of Balthazar's hand in his, begging silently for understanding and trust, "just be careful when you talk to him. All the power seemed to have gone to his head. The little bugger is arrogant as hell and I think he might be dangerous."

"No way!" protested Balthazar vehemently but not letting go of Crowley's hand, "Cas is the most peaceful angel I've ever known."

"I didn't say he is violent", Crowley squeezed his hand lightly to emphasise his words, "just... take care angel, will you? You are too important to me to loose you."

"Of course darling", Balthazar all but beamed at the demon. "I will take care." He leaned closer, pressing his lips shortly to the demon's in a chaste kiss.

"Thank you." Crowley mumbled against the angel's lips, hugging him close. They stayed like this for a while, contend just to feel their loved one close, holding on for dear life and relieved they worked things out. Both of them hated fighting but that seemed to happen a lot lately.

"Uhmm...", stammered Balthazar later, after they had spend almost the entire rest of the day huddled together on the couch, "you know the bloody Winchesters asked me to spy for them on Cassy..."

Balthazar honest to god blushed admitting this. That is what happened when he spend too much time close to his beloved demon – he got all soft and shy.

"Do it", told Crowley him , "talk to him first, maybe then you'll see what I was talking about."

"I will." He kissed his demon one last time goodbye before vanishing. "See you later sweetheart."

As promised, Balthazar went to his little brother to get some more answers. But he honestly didn't like what Castiel told him. He sounded awfully sure and full of himself for someone about to go nuclear, so he went back to Sam and Dean next, agreeing to be their eyes and ears. Of course he took some precautions as Crowley had urged him to before he talking to Castiel. To be honest, he could understand the demon's worries now. Castiel did seem strange and slightly out of control, if you knew what to look for.

Balthazar's general laziness might have been the only thing that saved his life in the end. When he spoke to his brother, he did the same trick Gabriel had done a million times, he didn't appear himself but let a clone do the talking.

So when Castiel summoned him some time later, it was his luck that he was still using the clone as he never saw it coming.

One moment Castiel was besides him, talking about a spy and the next he was stabbing him with an angel blade in the back. Balthazar was shell shocked, but had at least the good sense to keep the apparition of himself dying up until Castiel left, happy with his handiwork.

Balthazar stood there, on the corner of perception, watching Castiel dispose of his death double. Castiel showed no mercy, no regret, just utter and complete superiorness, like he owned the world and could do whatever the heck he pleased.

So Crowley had been right after all, Castiel had gone mad if he could kill his once best friend without bashing an eyelid.

When Castiel was done and he felt is save to let go of the apparition of his dead body he went back to Crowley.

"You were right", he told the demon, shaking his head sadly, "he has gone utterly insane."

"Why", Crowley wanted to know, "what did he do now?"

"Congratulations", Balthazar beamed at Crowley without humour, "your lover is dead once again."


	3. Chapter 3

Until they could come up with a proper plan to stop Castiel on his mad killing spree, everyone hid out in Crowley's mansion. The Winchesters and Bobby had no where else to go, as Castiel knew Bobby's address and the angel wardings wouldn't help to keep him out anymore. Crowley assured them that this was the safest place on earth and Balthazar actually refused to transport them all over the place just to get home. He would have to get them back here anyway come morning, so they could plot together against Castiel.

Of course they didn't trust the demon and further than they could throw him and were very wary about the angel, but what other choice did they have? As soon as they set a single foot out of Crowley's warded castle, their newly appointed God would be able to find and kill them.

And they weren't particularly keen on either – getting killed or bowing down. They had to admit, Scotland wasn't a bad place to be and while Crowley and Balthazar might be strange company, they never tried to kill or screw them over.

The building was big enough to house several dozens of rooms. Sam, Dean and Bobby got each their own, truth be told the humans had their own wing, as the two supernatural creatures slept somewhere far, far away on the other end of the mansion, to give them some privacy and lessen their fear to get killed or tortured in their sleep.

Crowley even allowed them to put up angel and demon wardings in their rooms, to show his good intend.

On the fourth night in the huge castle like building Dean sneaked over to Sam's room, finding his little brother awake, doing some research on a laptop Crowley had provided.

"You awake?" Dean asked with a mischievous grin, sticking his head into the room. Sam shook is head in silent amusement at his brother's enthusiasm. Not even the end of the world could keep him from causing mischief.

"What does it look like Dean?" retorted Sam, faking to have fallen asleep on the laptop.

"You up for a little sneak around the house?" asked Dean, flipping a pen from the nearby desk over to the fake asleep form of his brother. Sam jolted upwards, trying to deflect the pen but he was too late and got lightly hit on the head. "Let's see what Crowley's really up to."

"You think he has a hidden agenda?" wondered Sam, rubbing the spot on his head where the pen had hit him, screwing his face up in played pain.

"He is a demon! They don't do things out of the goodness of their sulphur covered heart. I want to know what his game is." Dean picked up the next pen to flip over but this time Sam was faster and got hurriedly out of bed. "You coming?"

"Yeah, sure. Let me get my slippers." Dean chuckled softly, while Sam put on his house shoes.

"Whatever princess", mumbled Dean, turning to leave.

"Jerk.", called Sam, catching up to his brother, who was already halfway out to door.

"Bitch", responded Dean in his usual cheerful manner.

They sneaked around the house for what felt like hours. Crowley's mansion was that huge, one could almost get the feeling it was bigger from the inside than it looked from the outside, but neither Sam nor Dean have even been outside the building. For all they knew there might not even be a door to the outer gardens.

Most of the rooms were empty. There were guestrooms, libraries, studies a swimming-pool, more libraries...

After some time the furnishing of the rooms started to change, less dust and more expensive looking things adorned the rooms. It didn't take long and they could hear the faintest whispers of two voices talking in subdued tones.

Intrigued, they followed their sounds, ending up in front of an old unmarked door. There was no mistaking it – Crowley and Balthazar must be in that room. Carefully Dean pressed the doorknob down. For once he was thankful for Crowley's tendency to keep the building in perfect conditions, as the door didn't squeal on its hinges when Dean pressed against it.

Dean was the first to peek inside. Immediately he turned away from the little slit between door and doorframe, pressing his fingers against his eyes in a senseless effort to banish the images. They were right okay, Crowley and Balthazar were in the room. The angel and the demon had been sitting together in the room as Dean pecked in, huddled closely together on a soft couch, in a lazy embrace.

Sam couldn't resist taking a look at the room himself. He let out a surprised yelp, falling back against Dean in a futile attempt to get away from the image. It didn't take much for Dean to imagine that Sam probably must have seen them do more than just cuddle.

Not a second later, the door blew open, all but flying off its hinges by a powerful yet unseen force of sheer power.

Behind the now gaping hole where once a door had been, stood Balthazar angelic dagger in hand. It was larger and bigger than your average angel killing blade, more like a real sword and as he whipped it about, it slowly started to ignite.

That goddamned angel possessed an honest to god flaming sword.

"What the hell", yelled Dean backing slowly away from the furious angel who looked like he had come straight out of hell's worst nightmare… or in this case heaven's worst nightmare.

As soon as the door blew away Balthazar all but charged them, ready for the kill and even Crowley had jumped up from the couch, pointing an unknown object in their direction.

The demon was the first to gain his bearings and lower the weapon, resting a comforting hand on the angel's shoulder.

"It's okay Zira", he whispered calmingly, "it's only the bloody Winchesters, you can put the knife down. No danger anymore, we are still safe."

"Well excuse me", replied Balthazar in an exasperated British voice, "for being a little worried, after a few centuries hiding from Him." He pointed an accusing finger upwards, "and now even my own brothers are out to get me. So sorry for being just a tad worried for my skin and yours too I might add."

"I know", replied Crowley wearily, rubbing a hand across his face. "I wish we wouldn't have to hide but there is no chance that Cas is any more friendly to our partnership than the others were."

He gave the angel a quick hug, whispering an apology in the other's ear. "This is my fault, if it wasn't for me you wouldn't have to hide."

"My dear," Balthazar complained, taking hold of Crowley's hands, "don't say that. I might not have to hide but I wouldn't have lived! Don't be sorry for what we are."

Crowley gave the angel a shy smile, bringing his hand up and kissing the back of Balthazar's hands. "And without you, hell wouldn't have been as pleasant as it was Zira."

"Whoa", interrupted Dean the oncoming chick-flick moment, "what do you mean? Zira… What kind of nickname is that? Sounds like a bad hiccup."

"Excuse me young man", responded Balthazar/Zira in his weird accented very polite tone, "it is the shortening for Aziraphale I have you known. I did change my name when I first came to earth."

"Yeah", snorted Dean.

"That is hardly an unsuspicious name", laughed Sam, "did you want to be found out?"

"It was a very acceptable name when I was stationed here." He huffed in annoyance. "The name was, as you would call it, hip in that period."

"Oh and when was that?" mocked Dean further, "the stone age?"

"No", replied Zira confused, "of course not, we didn't need any angels on earth at that time. It was shortly after the Eden disaster." He gave Crowley a stern look, who had nothing better to do than blush furiously.

"Well…", he stammered embarrassed, "if it wasn't for out dear brother Lucifer, I wouldn't have being there to point out the apple in the first place. Not my fault those humans were greedy little buggers."

"Of course not dear", smiled the angel warmly.

"What?" asked Sam at the same time Dean yelled "whoa." "Come on man, back up a bit. What's he got to do with Eden and the apple?"

Crowley turned towards them, looking them square in the eyes. His usual round eyes shifted and a pair of sickening yellow eyes starred at them, with slitted pupils, giving them the look of snake like eyes.

"He is the serpent of Eden", explained Balthazar. And with a slight blush and a wink he added, "and quite a tempter he is."

"Okay", announced Sam, "this is too weird for me... goodnight." He turned around, grabbing a dumb-folded Dean by the arm, all but dragging his brother back with him.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning, Sam woke up with the strange sensation on being disorientated and confused. Like when you were pulled out of an intense dream and can't immediately tell what is reality and what had been the dream.

He sat in bed for a while, blinking the sleep away while trying to get his bearings.

"Man", groaned Dean, entering the room halfway sleepwalking. "I had the weirdest dream last night. Dude you wouldn't believe how fucked up my mind must be…"

"Let me guess", interrupted Sam, who slowly started to remember why he felt so terrible. "You dreamed Crowley was a yellow-eyed snake and he was being cosy with Balthazar, who is calling himself Aziraphale and we decided to get drunk and forget we ever saw them kiss?"

Dean gave his brother a blank look. "Yes…", he stammered irritated, eyes Sammy careful like he had grown a second head or used demon powers to read his mind, "how did you know?"

"I don't think it was a dream Dean", explained Sam, getting up and kicking a few empty beer bottles across the room in the process.

The words took a while to register in Dean's alcohol fogged mind. "Awwwwwww crap!"

In their still half-drunk it made a lot of sense to storm into Bobby's room at half past 7 on a Sunday morning and wake him up by yelling and complaining about crazy demons and insane angels.

Bobby's wasn't really up to that shit just yet, so he too started yelling for a while. It was a good thing that they had the entire part of the house for themselves, as they might have woken up their hosts otherwise.

Of course those two were still deep asleep snuggled tightly together in their master-bedroom. After the two Winchester morons had left the night before, Crowley and Balthazar had sent a long time talking and planning their next move.

They might not be in any immediate danger, but if they played this wrong they could end up dead before breakfast. There was no way of knowing how Sam or Dean would react once they got used to the idea of a demon being friendly with an angel.

For sure there would be interrogations whether Crowley had put a mind-whammy on Balthazar or drugged the poor innocent angelic being.

There was the off chance to succeed with erasing their mind of last night, but it would be even worse once they figured out that someone had screwed with their minds.

And to be honest, it felt nice to tell someone for once instead of hiding and sneaking around all day.

After hours spend together on the couch, making fun of the brothers, giving each other comfort and assuring the partner about their plan, they finally went to bed to get at least some sleep before facing the devil… or rather the Winchesters. But for the King of Hell and his angel the true devil wasn't Lucifer but these two denim wrapped nightmares.

When they finally managed to get their acts together and talked like civilized hunters, (i.e. grunting, glaring and insulting) Sam and Dean reported what they had witnessed the night before.

How Balthazar was actually called Aziraphale and has lived on earth since the beginning of humankind. How he used to be a powerful and high ranking angel with a flaming sword, but gave it to Eve because she was pregnant and the forest was dangerous.

About the great tempter Crowley and how he brought death to Adam and Eve and got them kicked out of Eden in the process.

And how this weird pair of star-crossed lovers prevented the first apocalypse, some odd 20 years ago.

Silence fell after the brothers had finished their crazy tale. Bobby blinked at them unfazed, sorting through all the madness for the past couple of days.

"So Crowley is a fallen angel", broke Bobby the deafening silence after a while, "well that explains a few things."

"Woah", shrieked Dean very manly in surprise while Sam stammered in confusion, "what? Angel?... huh?"

Bobby just shook his head at those idijits. They were lucky they had their good looks, otherwise they might very well have been dead a few times over… what they actually had been, so… not even their looks could helped them much.

"If he is the original serpent of Eden how you said, that means that he has to be one of the first fallen angel who were cast out of heaven along with Lucifer in the rebellion", explained Bobby patiently, "we're in the middle of the Judaeo-Christian apocalypse – haven't you idijits read anything in the bible?"

"Well.. uhmm", mumbled Dean at the same time Sam tried to find an excuse for himself, "you know… uhmm."

Bobby had only one response for these two. "Idijits!"

""Actually", exclaimed Sam, as if he had a sudden insight, "if Balthazar is still alive… you think Gabriel could still be around somewhere?

"Yeah", agreed his brother "might be. It certainly would fit this douche's character to pull a stunt like that."


	5. Chapter 5

After a long and annoying talk with Bobby - in which they explained him all about Crowley and his insane angel buddy - everyone decided that it was way too early to have such discussions and there was a distinct lack of coffee.

They were heading towards the kitchen when they noticed the sweet smell of coffee and pancakes coming out of that direction. Sure enough they found the two supernatural creatures already awake and rummaging around the kitchen.

Crowley was currently standing on the oven, wearing apron saying "King of Kitchen" and making loads of pancakes, while Balthazar - … or Aziraphale… or whatever the damned angel was named – handed everyone a hot pot of caffeine goodness.

They definitely liked the angel no matter how crazy he was.

"You are cooking?", asked Sam in confusion at the same time Dean stated baffled, "Demons can cook?" All Bobby did to acknowledge the pancakes making demon in the pink apron was take up a fork and attacking the plate of freshly made breakfast.

"Of course I can cook, you bloody morons!" Crowley explained patiently, while batting Bobby's hungry fork away from the food. "The food I just 'poof' out of thin air tastes exactly like that – thin air."

"The poor dear never got the hang of letting anything appear with proper flavours except for good wine", whispered Balthazar conspiratorially, "and it took him centuries to get that right. Remember your first try dear, back in the 15th century…"

"Shut up", barked Crowley embarrassed, but the angel didn't stop talking once he had started.

"My, my that's been a disaster. It tasted like soup and sewage."

"And you know how sewage tastes why?" countered Crowley smiling sweetly but the angel didn't seem fazed – if anything he looked confused.

"It's just a saying my dear." Balthazar blinked in bafflement, like he expected Crowley to know such a trivial thing.

"You never understand any sayings." Chuckled the demon, adding more pancakes to the plate and still trying to defend them from the restless hunter attacks.

"I do now", replied Balthazar proud, "people change."

"Yeah _people_ do. You don't."

"That's just nasty my dear."

"I'm a demon; it's my job to be cruel." But Crowley didn't sound evil nor did the angel offended at the demons words. He didn't even flinch when Crowley pecked a light kiss on his lips.

"So… I take what the boys told me is accurate then", inquired Bobby between mouthfuls of finally stolen pancakes with a strange undertone in his voice. The demon glared daggers at the hunter for eating before everything was set. "You two have been friends since the beginning of humankind, right?"

"Yes," answered Crowley suspiciously, "how do you know that? You got any problem with that?"

"No one told me ya idijits!" Bobby rolled his eyes and stealing another pancake while Crowley wasn't looking, "I read your semi-biography and if it's true, you seem like a decent guy."

Crowley choked and splutter at those kind words. Aziraphale patted him lightly on the back. "Poor dear. He never got used to compliments."

"Screw you angel!", snapped Crowley irritated, "I told you not to spend so much time Neil and Terry. But did you listen? Noooo of course not. "Don't worry" did you say and "we were all quite drunk at that time my dear" see what happened? They wrote a bloody book about us!"

"But they were so lovely chaps", interjected Balthazar cheerfully, "and my... they had an imagination. I would never wear a tartan suit."

"Of course not", smirk Crowley knowingly, shutting of the stove and finally letting the half-starved hunters enjoy their breakfast. And if his beloved angel ever wore a tartan suit, collected misprinted bibles or did any of those embarrassing things that were mentioned in the book, he wouldn't be the one to tell.


End file.
